A beauty queen with no beauty

To look at me, I look like every other woman, person, mother you know. Normal. Yet inside, I ache. I feel like Im dying. I cant focus. I have great plans. Things Im going to do. Change the world. Be organized. Cook. Clean. Teach preschool. Iron. Be superhuman to my daughter. At night I chart it out. Map it out in my head. Im excited. Enthused. Ready to turn my vision into a reality.  Then, the morning sun beams come inside my room n find me lying in my warm covers, fighting unmercifully with myself just to open my eyes and communicate with my family. My 75 yr old Dad has been up and out of bed since 5:30 am. I feel so worthless.  I cant explain what I feel. I know Im not at the end by any means. Im too young. Yet, I feel like Im dying. I look around. This isnt my home. Id never have a mound of  clean clothes  so large it could be a segment on Horders. Its just barely clean.  I look around and think.... Where is my fairy god mother??? But, just so you know, this isn't a feel sorry for myself blog. Its about finding my way back from this hole I call Hell. The ups. The downs. The things that work. The things that definately don't. All in all, my days aren't even close to normal. I'm a beauty queen with no beauty. But that's about to change!!!